What My Mother and I Don't Talk About: Fifteen Writers Break the Silence

A TOP PICK OF NPR'S 2019 BOOKS

*Publishers Weekly, BuzzFeed, The Rumpus, Lit Hub, The Week, and Elle.com's Most Anticipated Reads of 2019*

Fifteen outstanding authors examine the topics we avoid discussing with our mothers and the resulting positive and negative effects on ourselves.

Michele Filgate began writing an essay about her abuse at the hands of her stepfather when she was an undergraduate. She was attempting to write about how this affected her relationship with her mother, but it took her more than ten years to grasp what she was really writing. Once it was released, the essay quickly gained popularity thanks to social media shares from Rebecca Solnit, Anne Lamott, and numerous other people. Filgate got an idea from the flood of answers, and the ensuing anthology provides an honest look at our relationships with our mothers.

Some of the writers in this book are quite close to their moms, while others are very distant. Before she was even a mother, Leslie Jamison talks of her quest to figure out who her seemingly ideal mother was. In this humorous essay by Cathi Hanauer, she finally gets to talk to her mother without her controlling, yet endearing, father interfering. The author André Aciman discusses his experiences growing up with a deaf mother. Melissa Febos examines her close-knit relationship with her psychotherapist mother through the lens of mythology. Julianna Baggott also discusses having a mother who confides in her completely.

"Our mothers are our first homes, which is why we're always trying to return to them," writes Filgate. Breaking the silence brings relief. One method to mend our connections with others and, most importantly, with ourselves is to acknowledge what we were unable to say for a long time.

Cathi Hanauer, Melanie Febos, Alexander Chee, Dylan Landis, Julianna Baggott, Lynn Steger Strong, André Aciman, Sari Botton, Nayomi Munaweera, Brandon Taylor, and Leslie Jamison are among the contributors.