You Exist Too Much

A group of guys yell at a 12-year-old Palestinian-American girl outside the Church of the Nativity on a steamy day in Bethlehem. They consider it improper for her to have shown her legs in a biblical city, and their disapproval will follow her throughout her youth. The reaction of our narrator's mother, "You exist too much," only serves to exacerbate her feelings of humiliation when our narrator eventually tells her that she is queer.

Storytelling in short bursts between the United States and the Middle East—from New York to Jordan, Lebanon, and Palestine—Zaina Arafat's first book follows her lead character's transformation from shy teenager to in-demand disc jockey and aspiring author. She moved into an apartment in Brooklyn with her first serious partner, and she attempts to be happy with their cozy connection. During her adolescent years, she kept her longings secret, but soon they erupted into risky amorous experiences and obsessions with other people.

Her quest to resist her own harmful tendencies would ultimately bring her to The Ledge, an out-of-the-ordinary rehab facility that labels her condition as "love addiction." She will begin to think about the unsettling parallels between her own personal traumas and divides and those of the locations that have shaped her in this odd, isolated world.

You Exist Too Much is a gripping tale that explores the fantasies and wants of a young woman torn between her sexual, religious, and cultural identities. It traces two of our deepest desires: for love and a place to call home.